How Your Attachment Style Affects Your Relationships


This blog is a guide to understanding our psychological tendencies and improving the quality of our relationships with others. Some people meet, come together, and live happily ever after. Others change from one relationship to another, perhaps even in the long term, with almost all of their novels having a heartbreaking ending.

For them, the relationship is a roller coaster ride that makes life a little more complicated. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to controlling our thoughts and behavior.

We have heard that everyone recommends a relationship. “Don’t be in need.” “Do not be jealous.” “Love you first, then expect from other.” and many more things we used to hear in relationship advice.

But to end uncertainty, grief, and self-doubt, it is not enough to love yourself. We all possess different personalities, and some of us grew up with unhealthy relationships and disrupted the love system.

Successful relationships are not only determined by chance or mutual love. You decide which attachment style each partner has developed. These attachment styles depend on how we communicate and what we expect from a partner. They form the basis of our relationship.

We communicate or do not interact but our perceptions about our needs and the needs of the other person and the type and degree, depending on us and their attachment style.

These are all or nothing of personality traits. Most people have components of all kinds, but one primary type. And oneself dominant nature can easily vary from mild to extreme.

The first step in knowledge is to change

Just knowing the type of attachment, we are heading for can do a lot to control the way we deal with relationships. It also helps us identify trends from our partners and provide devices to handle them. It helps people to understand why they and their partners live and communicate the way they do.

If two people have an inconsistent attachment style, their relationship can work, but only if they both recognize these patterns and do so can they avoid falling into the trap below – either through their professional management or with the help of a relationship therapist.

John Bowlby’s attachment theory states how accessible and attentive a child or toddler is to their primary caregiver to determine the type of attachment style they develop.

However, parent relationships are not the whole package. Temperament, personality, and social support also play a role. While these styles are consistent, they’re not definitive. Authentic and secure attachment experiences can help secure a person’s subconscious attachment later in life.

Identify your attachment style

According to the psychological theories of attachment, there are many different types of affection with which we can all be represented.

Let’s take a closer look at some attachment styles and know how it affects when two or more people of different attachment styles come under a relationship: –

Secure people’s – Safe people feel comfortable with intimacy and are emotionally adapted to the situation. Their behavior includes thoughts and actions that take into account their own needs and those of their partner.

Avoidant (dismissing) – Avoid shooting accidentally when your partner shows a need for privacy. They keep a distance from excessive emotional and physical closeness and focus on their partner’s shortcomings after the relationship is settled. To subconsciously deactivate their attachment system, they create distance when they feel that someone is too close.

Insecure – Precarious or fearful types are predisposed to their partner’s actions and find it difficult to focus on their own needs. If they get into trouble or get into a crisis, they subconsciously try to establish a secure relationship. Their actions can include obsession, hostility, and some scoring mentality to define relationships so that they can restore lost fears.

The disorganized bond – Under this, a person seeks and fears intimacy that is a combination of fearful and avoidant style. This leads to discord and confusion with relationships.

Degree and relationship between different styles

Attachment styles form a continuum, with secure attachment in the middle and more dangerous or avoidable methods near each end of the spectrum. The form of attachment of a person’s partner can affect the characteristics disclosed in the relationship.

Of course, the relationships between firmly connected people and the two ends of the spectrum are more effective than the relations between the two terms. Because the tied person knows when (and when not) to reassess or give according to the needs of the other person.

As soon as the partner feels “in need,” a deceptive person withdraws. An insecure connected person “attacks” or speeds up the search for attention when they think that the starting group is detached.

If neither of them recognizes their behavior style and does something about it, the relationship will go up in flames quickly or in a dramatic and lengthy process.


Critical awareness and strong communication skills are essential to the success of the relationship. It is not necessarily a long and lengthy dialogue; It just means that when something needs to be said or done, he can do it without fear of the other’s negative comments.

In addition to the attachment style, a person must know the communication style of their partner. Some people will do it verbally wrong, while others will say no and fail. This can be a problem for someone who thinks something is changing.

If the communication style of the two people is different, it is essential to recognize it and make adjustments. This can mean that the more the verbal person works to use non-verbal communication to show emotions, the less the verbal person tries to work in the right way.

The goal is to make a change before things get out of control and collapse by manipulating key attachment styles and pulling the couple even further.